My Mind is Running Away From Me!

 

I recently was talking with a very dear friend of mine that I will call “Frank”.

Frank is the kind of person who is, on the surface and to the general public, a very fun, laid back person. He always looks to have it together and tries, very hard, to at least have people THINK that’s the case. But underneath it all, Frank is the biggest over-thinker I have ever met.

Now please understand. I believe that some of the best laid plans, full of details, are the most successful, well executed, success stories. I’m not talking about detailed thinking, I’m talking about OVER THINKING.

Frank and I met for dinner and I had asked him how things were going at work. He said that things were great but he was getting some weird vibes. Of course I asked him to tell me more. He said that he and 3 other people as well as the CEO of his company were working on a new project. Frank is in IT, so don’t ask me what the project really is. I admire anyone who can grasp all that stuff, but goodness knows I don’t get it! Anyway…

To cut to the chase, Frank went from feeling like he might not have prepared enough because others seemed to have more ideas than he had come with, to wondering if the project could possibly get done in the time frame the team had agreed to, to being concerned that the team didn’t like him. Frank had gone so far as to say that he had stayed up very late the night before going over all the details three times to make sure that there wasn’t one thing that had been missed or that he couldn’t have anyone be disappointed with.

Now I have worked with Frank before. There are very few people who “don’t like him” or any project that he has ever put half an effort into. So, I asked him, “Where are these feelings coming from?”

His reply, “I just don’t want to look inadequate or mess anything up.”

Frank is highly educated, knowledgeable and a good communicator. He, as all of us, have made mistakes before. In the time that we worked together, he had made a math error on a project that we had worked on and it threw the pace of the project off completely. Ultimately, we were able to fix it. Yes, there were some on the team who were frustrated and had voiced their displeasure. Franks initial excuse was that if he had more time, he wouldn’t have made the simple math error. After we figured out the right answer to our problem, the rest of the team let it go. Frank didn’t. Frank couldn’t get passed feeling like the rest of the team thought he was stupid and unqualified; even didn’t like him. None of us thought that. Actually no one hung on to it. Frank kept playing it over and over in his head. Every time he played it over again, it got bigger and more daunting to him. He became full of anxiety that has effected everything he does when he is in a group project NOW.

Can we go back, and say that it wasn’t only this time that caused him to over think? Sure. Maybe he had strict, demanding parents that didn’t cut him any slack when he made mistakes. Maybe he had team mates or friends get angry with him; even “unfriended” him, because of a mistake he made. There can be many reasons that people choose to over think, and the bottom line is FEAR, LACK OF CONFIDENCE, LACK OF TRUST and CARING SO MUCH WHAT OTHERS THINK.

I have seen worse cases to where individual’s run away thoughts create a whole different event than what has really happened. A whole different set of feelings that person believes others have about them. When in fact, none of it is true, or, it shouldn’t matter.

I think we all at one point or another have a tendency to over-think, so how can we all get out of over-thinking mode and let it go to be able to move to a happy productive place? Here are a few suggestions.

1.)    Ask yourself, “Why am I over-thinking this?” Get to the core of the problem. If you can answer yourself with, “I don’t want anyone to think I’m stupid”, “I am being conscientious and don’t want to let my team down”, “It really matters that I have the respect and friendship of my co-workers”, “The last time I messed up, I paid some heavy consequences.”, etc. Then you know WHY you are doing it. If you know why, you can correct it.

2.)    Ask yourself, “What can I DO, to ensure the best possible outcome?”  Not talk about it, or play out every horrible “Titanic-Like” outcome. Muster up your confidence, focus on the desired goal and then take the negative emotion out of it. Not the passion or the drive to do well, just the negative outcomes that you are assigning to a future result.

3.)    SELF-TALK, SELF-TALK, AND SELF-TALK. If you were talking to your child or your best friend, would you say the awful demeaning things that you say to yourself? “Who would want you? Look at yourself!”, “You have to be the stupidest person alive.”, “I wouldn’t like you if you caused me to lose a football game.” Sit on that one for a minute. The next time you start this dialogue…STOP IT. STOP IT RIGHT THERE. You have to be your own biggest fan. Trust yourself, believe in yourself, and for goodness sake, enjoy the time with yourself! All this negativity toward yourself is your ego getting in the way. No one really expects you to be perfect. None of us are. So cut yourself some slack and build yourself up.

4.)    Control what you can control. If you can’t control it, let it go.

5.)    If you do mess up, OWN IT, say you are sorry, fix it, and then let it go. More often than not you are the only one thinking about it after it has been fixed.

6.)    Worried about disappointing people? If they love you and care about you, or value you as a friend, peer, co-worker, they don’t have nearly the expectations on you that you do to start with. They also will do anything they can to help you. Most importantly, you can’t disappoint them for too long. They don’t value you for what you do for them or the medals and trophies you win, they value you because you are important to them. If they don’t value you, then it doesn’t matter what they think anyway.

Over-thinking can be so counter-productive, such a waste your time, and has a detrimental effect on your results and health. Don’t do it to yourself. You are not meant to worry and have constant anxiety. You need to build your confidence in yourself, trust that you are certainly good enough and valuable enough.

If I could wave a magic wand for everyone to possess these feelings toward themselves, boy would I. Unfortunately, no one can do it for you. It takes work, but it’s worth it! I have seen too many over-thinkers talk themselves right out of their dreams, hurt others, pass up on opportunities, become very unhealthy, and miss out on so much of the joy in life that, in reality was there for them.

Be kind to yourself, trust yourself, believe in yourself, and enjoy yourself!

 

The Stepping Stones Lead to the Milestones

We’ve all heard the expression, “Don’t bite off more than you can chew.”

We’ve also heard, “You don’t eat an apple by shoving the whole thing down your throat. You eat it one bite at a time.”

No matter what the goal you choose to pursue, it’s important to accept that it’s not going to happen overnight and plan to move one step at a time. The stepping stones will lead to the milestones.

Patience. I’m not good at it generally. When I make up my mind to do something, I want to get it done. As I have worked through accomplishing some of my most important goals, i.e., starting my own business, going back to get certified in coaching, losing weight, even building my family, I learned quickly to truly take “one step at a time”.

Yes, I know it’s easier said than done, and before this turn into a bunch of clichés, let’s get to how to manage this. I’m not giving a specific story here to illustrate what I mean because I think it’s more important for you to assign your story to what I have found to be universal themes. So as you go through these points, take the time to put your goal into the concept, then think of how you are going to master each one as you move forward in your pursuits.

1.)    Acceptance is key. After the goal is determined, a plan is formulated for daily action steps, that’s it. You let go of the thoughts that have you “wishing”, “pushing”, and quite honestly wasting time. These thoughts are very distracting and if too much time is wasted, the action steps will not get done. Accept that the only way to the goal is to focus on completing the daily action steps, and do them.

2.)    Stick to the plan. It’s tempting sometimes to think, when things aren’t happening fast enough, that there needs to be a change in the plan. It’s important to realize, especially if the plan was well thought out, that consistency is important to achieving long lasting results. Consistency creates habits, habits create momentum, and momentum is what pushes you closer to your success.

3.)    At times there will be set backs. Plan for them. There is nothing more disappointing than having a deal that you worked for months on fall through, gaining a pound when you thought for sure you were going to lose, a delay created by someone else that you can’t control, keeps you from accomplishing your tasks. It’s going to happen. You are not a failure! The difference between these types of setbacks and setbacks that are self-created is the word CONTROL. You can control what you put in your mouth, you can’t control another person’s decisions all the time.

4.)    Understand the difference between a CHOICE and a setback. There will be times that you decide that you don’t want to do what you are supposed to do. This is also to be expected in the process. NO ONE wakes up every day, all day, on their A-game. If you choose to not do what you are supposed to do, then at least OWN the choice. That is not a set-back that is out of your control, you chose it. If you are being consistent, sticking to your plan and creating habits, you will find that these choices become fewer and far between. That’s another reason that you want to take steady, planned steps. There is less chance that you will find yourself tempted and making unsuccessful choices.

5.)    Stop beating yourself up. Again, this falls back into the same time waster as we talked about in point #1. Beating yourself up, worrying if you will reach your goal, repeating the mistake in your head, doesn’t accomplish anything. Reliving the bad choice just keeps you distracted and off task. Do not play the victim. Do not run to everyone around you dramatically talking about how you are never going to reach your goals. Most definitely DO NOT start questioning whether the goal is achievable. These are the times people may choose to QUIT. Don’t get stuck here. Take accountability for whatever it was that you could have controlled. Spend some time figuring out what you learned, but then put the lesson down as one of those things you aren’t going to repeat. Then get yourself back on track with the daily tasks to success.

One of the saddest things that I see with those that I coach, is those who use excuses to try and talk themselves out of doing what they need to when it gets hard, or when it doesn’t go their way. If you give up losing 30 pounds because you ate one cookie, let it go! Just pick up where you left off. No one who has ever pursued anything worthwhile has ever had immediate success, with no challenges, and no disappointing, doubting moments. Recognize that these moments come from FEAR or being stretched, but we’ll talk about that in a later chapter. Just know that you need to get passed them as quickly as possible.

For now, let’s sum it all up this way, start to prepare your minds for your journey toward success and put at the forefront of your thoughts what it’s going to look like when you reach your goal.

How are you going to feel?

What will you look like?

What will you be able to do?

Who will you take a long for the ride?

Live from these thoughts and then take the daily steps! Make good choices and control what you can to get what you need to do accomplished.

The stepping stones will lead you to the milestones!

Change…LET GO…Don’t Resist…Embrace the Opportunity in the Change…FOR YOU!

People Change…they change their minds, they change their habits, they change their clothes, their hair, their image. They change their jobs, career paths, their homes, and yes even their families and friends sometimes.

We all make changes.

If we know that CHANGE is inevitable, and desired by most in order to grow, why do we struggle with it so much?

I believe we don’t mind too much when WE change; but we do mind when others make changes, that we aren’t wanting, or are ready for.

Think about it…when we are working on making changes in our lives, we consider them to be POSITIVE for OURSELVES.

When others decide to make changes, we may resist. We may even try to discourage someone that has decided to make a change, when we know it’s going to force us to make a change or accept a different pattern in OUR lives.

Change can be as simple as a change in an evening plan. Have you ever been looking forward to a “Night Out” to have the person you were going with opt out at the last minute? Of course if it’s something like an illness, we may be more understanding, but if the person decided to just choose another thing to do, it may make us a bit upset. We are not happy with the change.

Change can also be BIG…I am in the process of becoming an “empty nester” and the changes seem to be day to day at this point. It was tough going from having a house full of 6 people, down to 2-3, as they all started going to college.

That change was very emotional and changed how my husband and I live in a great big way! I missed them all very much. They each bring a different dynamic to our home that is unique. When one, or two, or three, aren’t there, it’s just not the same. It’s changed.

There weren’t the opportunities any longer for Sunday dinners through the school year, with EVERYONE. There weren’t the day to day interactions and, “So how was your days?”. There weren’t high school activities to participate in anymore, which not only changed our schedules, but also the friends that WE would see on a regular basis.

The college years weren’t nearly as hard as when they started graduating and moving on to their own places! YIKES!

The school years, it seemed like it was understood as temporary. They’d be back on Summer Break. When decisions to move out completely came along, that just all seemed so final. Never would we live all together anymore.

I love spending time with my family; all together. So, to have the realization, that we all wouldn’t be living together anymore was a tough pill to swallow. That phase of life, with babies, elementary school, high school and teenagers, was over. Life changed.

I wasn’t crazy about all the changes…but THEY were! They were looking forward to being on their own, starting their careers, being independent, becoming able to do all the grown-up stuff that they couldn’t do at home.

In my logical mind, I loved seeing my kids enter this new phase of life and I knew that I could NOT resist their changes. That would be selfish.

In heart, I was going to miss them and I was scared. I wouldn’t be there if they needed me or if something went wrong.

I also couldn’t hold them back because of my fears. That IS THE REASON most of us resist change. Any kind of change. Our changes, or the changes others make. What we’ve known is not known anymore and we don’t know what it’s going to be like.

How do we make the most of change?

Well, with my kids, I tried different things. I communicated differently. Texting became way more prevalent.  I knew I could get a conversation going, daily, with three out of four of my kids just be sending them a text message with a “Daily Punny”. The other one I would send a “Word of the Day”.

I learned and taught myself to LET GO of small things and choose my battles. It’s okay if only two out of the four were there for Sunday Dinner. That just had to be expected and it was still good. They all know it happens every Sunday, so as they are able to join in, they do and that is good enough.

I stopped resisting the new limited time availability. It’s good that I have time to pursue my own goals and interests, and I’ve found that I was now able to chase after a few dreams that I had put on the back burner when they were young. It’s good that my husband and I can go to dinner if we want to and just enjoy each other’s time.

I learned to focus on QUALITY of TIME rather than QUANTITY.

It’s good to be able to see my children independent, working hard to create and build their lives. I in turn, with their changes, embraced the opportunity to change and it’s been great for me too! If I would have resisted, it would have been a waste of an opportunity and it probably would have made everyone very uncomfortable. Maybe even have pushed them away.

See the opportunity in CHANGE. Don’t resist it when others make changes, it could be great for you too! Find a way to adjust that leaves everyone feeling good about their choices and you as well.

Don’t be afraid of what you don’t know…look forward, explore what’s out there, and certainly DO NOT ASSUME A NEGATIVE OUTCOME!

Remember, you WILL change too. You will give others the opportunity to grow in the Changes YOU provide them! Show them in their changes, the support, love, and understanding you want others to have when you CHANGE. BE that example, and teach others to WELCOME CHANGE!  Give them the  freedom to grow and make it positive, encouraging and EXCITING for you too!

 

If you would like more info on Serene Insights, LLC, my Coaching, Speaking, Training or Books, please contact me via email at pamela@sereneinsightscoaching.com

Also, please join my Facebook Family by going to Pamela Glowski Coaching & Consulting’s page and receive updates on upcoming events, resources and positive vibes as we all “Create the Life We Can’t Wait to Live”!!

 

 

 

 

What Will They Say?

This past weekend, my husband and I had to attend the funeral wake of a dear family friend. This is a friend that we have known for many, many years and his passing was quite sudden. Needless to say we were deeply saddened to have lost our friend.

As I was standing in line to extend our sympathy to the family, I was gazing at the flowers and of course our friend laying in the casket. The line was quite long because he has a large, very tight-knit family and many friends. They all are so well liked and are wonderful people. It was no surprise that there was going to be a wait to get to the front of the room.

After moving in the line about half way, his sister-in-law came over to us and as I offered my condolences, I said to her, “I just can’t believe it. He was such a nice person. So kind. He always had a smile on his face and I don’t think I ever saw him angry or say an unkind word about anyone.”

His sister-in-law replied, ” Oh Heaven has got another angel because he just had such a huge heart for everyone.”

It got me thinking, “What will they say when I go?”

Have I lived my life the way that will have others saying kind words? Sharing funny stories? Talking about how hard I tried to do all the right things? Talking about how much I loved my family above all?

Or, will their memories of me be the opposite? Will there be those that I have hurt who decide to share the story to others at the end of my casket? Will they not really mind that I am gone?

Each day we get the opportunity to LIVE OUR LEGACY. It’s what we do each day, that forms the opinions that others will have about us and our life, not only on this day, but long after we are gone.

We must be conscious of the choices we make in our words, attitudes, behaviors, actions, and deeds so they reflect what we want others to take away from their encounters with us; or keep as memories. If we want honorable stories to be told, then we must live honorably. If we choose to live with anger, bitterness, hostility and negativity, then we shouldn’t be surprised when others talk about us in those references.

Every day we have the opportunity to change and adjust so we create our legacy with no question or doubt about “what we are all about” or “what they will say” in the end. It is truly up to us to leave the impression we want others to have about us. We have to be intentional and make no excuses for behaviors that are not in alignment with what we want others to remember.

We can’t say we have good intentions, we’re misunderstood, we’re entitled to bad behavior, or that others don’t understand. We have to be accountable and vulnerable enough to BE who we want others to say we ARE.

We are either putting out there what we want to leave behind or we are not.

What are you going to do today that will ensure your story be told the way you had intended?

Are you creating the legacy that you want to leave behind?

What will they say?

 

If you would like more info on my Coaching or Pamela Glowski Coaching & Consulting, please contact me via email at pamela@sereneinsightscoaching.com

Also, please join my Facebook Family by going to Pamela Glowski Coaching & Consulting’s page and receive updates on upcoming events, resources and positive vibes as we all “Create the Life We Can’t Wait to Live”!!

 

 

 

You Are Exactly Where You Should Be…NOW

I am here.

I am right at the exact point I should be in my life.

For the amount of work I have done; I am right at the point in my life that reflects what I’ve earned.

For the amount of effort, why would I be further ahead or somewhere behind?

For the amount of learning, both from books, and from those mentors I’ve chosen to have around me, my level of knowledge and awareness is where it should be, to accomplish my intended goals.

For the time I have devoted to understanding and growing in my faith, my soul feels as healthy as it should be, for my current level of spiritual enlightenment.

For the amount of personal development and discipline I have incorporated into  my daily practices with my mind, body and spirit, I am in the image that I should be. Inside and out.

In our journey through life, it is important to take time to celebrate the NOW. To appreciate what we have accomplished…SO FAR.

Many times we get so caught up in looking forward to our intended ultimate goal, we miss the NOW; chasing what we WANT or more than we’ve earned…YET.

Sometimes we are so stuck on what hasn’t gone “right” in the past, we miss the NOW in fear that we will make the same mistakes, or worse yet…fail completely.

We forget that the JOURNEY takes TIME. Success is a progression that is not one BIG skyrocket to the moon. It’s a series of forward steps and backward steps. Some days one very baby step at a time. Some days one huge fall off of a cliff. Some days a big leap! Either way, where we are now, is important to acknowledge and accept.

Where we are is GOOD. It’s a true gauge as to our effort, what we have earned, what we have learned, the discipline we have developed, what faith we have trusted, and the image we have created.

Stopping and measuring where we are at NOW…is critical.

If we never stop to look at the ground beneath our feet, how will we really appreciate the “success” when we have it? How will we appreciate where we’ve come from, or all the little “successes” and learning moments that have prepared us for the ultimate success?

We have to invest our time, learn, develop discipline, and move forward as we are prepared and ready to move.

Where we are is a reflection of what we have been willing and able to do…SO FAR. We have to look at it closely, honestly and objectively…If we want more, maybe we need to learn more, amp up the discipline, dig deeper in to our faith, try again, or push ourselves to the next level. By marking our current position…where we are NOW…we celebrate the strength and progress we’ve already gained to continue to move us forward.

It’s true…where we are is where we should be… it’s what we have earned, it is reflective of the effort we have made, the personal development and discipline we have grown into, the level of faith we have personally trusted in, and it is the image of ourselves, inside and out, that we have created.

 

If you would like more info on my Coaching or Pamela Glowski Coaching & Consulting, please contact me via email at pamela@sereneinsightscoaching.com

Also, please join my Facebook Family by going to Pamela Glowski Coaching & Consulting’s page and receive updates on upcoming events, resources and positive vibes as we all “Create the Life We Can’t Wait to Live”!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Near-Sighted, Far-Sighted…A Little of Both?

When it comes to “VISION”, are you Near-sighted? Far-Sighted? Or a little of both?

I recently went for my annual eye exam and after the doctor put me through the usual tests, he told me that I would have to have a prescription to improve my vision in order to see distances far in front of me. He also told me I was going to have to wear reading glasses with my corrective lenses to see close.

If I have my distance correcting lenses off, I don’t need the reading glasses.  I can see just fine up close. So, when it comes to my eyesight I’m a little bit of both. I’m  Far-Sighted and Near-Sighted; sometimes requiring a little help to get the whole picture.

Keep this concept in mind as you think about what type of “VISIONARY” you are. Are you the kind of person who comes up with great ideas? You always have in mind a new business opportunity, a new invention, or you are the person who can “paint a picture” of what could be for many around you?

I’ve been fortunate to work with some of the greatest “VISIONARIES” around and they have taught me and helped me improve my ability to create my own DREAMS.  Some of them I still go to when I am shaping up an idea or creating new programs. The true visionaries in my life are kind of my corrective lenses, if you will.

My “VISIONARY” friends are people who can just naturally SEE the big picture and can describe the end result so well that you can’t help but want to be a part of their “dream”. These are the people who are gifted with long-range sight, and usually “SEE” things before others have even imagined them; or CAN imagine them. These are the Steve Jobs, the Tony Robbins, and the Thomas Edison’s of the world.

Far-sighted people can have the ability to accomplish the whole goal on their own or they know when to put others around them who have the skills, talents and abilities to do what they can’t do. They don’t let their limits hold them back. If they can’t do it, they will find those who can to make it happen. Visionaries are a lot of fun to be around, for those who are only Near-Sighted. Now I’m not saying it’s always easy to follow a visionary, because as the goal is worked toward, sometimes the vision changes, or there need to be tweaks, which means there have to be adjustments made by those who are working with them.

Near-Sighted people are those who can take the visionary’s “idea”, that they might not have had on their own and figure out how to make the “dream” a reality.  Maybe they just  BELIEVE in the person whole-heartedly and work along side of the VISIONARY until they can see it. One way or the other, Near-Sighted people tend to have an affinity for the ultimate goal because of an interest or goal of their own.  These are the Engineers, the Programmers,  the Marketers of the world.

I love watching HGTV. I especially love shows where they take an old run down house and make it BEAUTIFUL! In many episodes you will see the potential owners and the designers walking through the property, surveying the current condition of the home. This is the near-sighted part. It’s right in front of them and they can see exactly what it is; the good and the bad. In most episodes you will hear the designer describe the “VISION” for what they believe the house will look like after a renovation. In most episodes you will also hear the potential buyers say, “I just can’t see it!”

The buyer purchases it trusting the VISION of the designer. They BELIEVE in the designer. The designer then hires the right team of contractors to come in and complete the job. The contractors buy into the vision of the designer because they believe in what they will be able to create and fulfill someone’s wish for their “DREAM HOME”. Even if the designer created the “DREAM”. See what I mean?

So, as you envision your goals and dreams, are you NEAR-SIGHTED, FAR-SIGHTED, or a little of both?

If you are a VISIONARY or FAR-SIGHTED, have you surrounded yourself with the right tools to achieve your goal? The right people to help you achieve your goal?  Remember…VISIONARIES accomplish things. They take their ideas and make then REALITY. Those who don’t bring their vision to life are just DREAMERS.

If you are Near-Sighted, have you found great visionaries to put in front of you so that you can fulfill your goals through your work and affinities? If you are passionate about Medicine, Sales, Sports, Engineering, Non-Profit Organizations, have you found the right companies or groups to be a part of that allow you to live a happy and fulfilling life contributing to a vision that brings meaning to others as well as yourself? If not, find a place that DOES.

If you are a little of BOTH, do you know when to get help or “CORRECTIVE LENSES” in order to achieve your goals? Being limited is not an excuse for not making the goal happen.

I believe that “DREAMS” are planted in the minds of many for the betterment of all, so if you have the opportunity to have an impact in bringing one to life, either from a

FAR-SIGHTED VIEW or a NEAR-SIGHTED VIEW, or a little bit of BOTH…that’s a PERFECT VISION!

If you would like more info on my Coaching or Pamela Glowski Coaching & Consulting, please contact me via email at pamela@sereneinsightscoaching.com

Also, please join my Facebook Family by going to Pamela Glowski Coaching & Consulting’s page and receive updates on upcoming events, resources and positive vibes as we all “Create the Life We Can’t Wait to Live”!!

 

 

 

 

 

It’s Just Not Meant To Be…

Last Friday evening, I told a friend of mine about a home in a nearby neighborhood that was soon going to be up for sale. The home is REALLY nice; and I mean REALLY nice! The current owners had replaced everything in the house. The carpet is new, every bathroom had been completely replaced, there was a new concrete patio and even the kitchen was updated from top to bottom.

When I was telling my friend about the house, he became very excited about the possibilities of being the new owner of this grand home.

Of course he started imagining what it would be like to be able to come home and enter this wonderful space after a long hard day. What it would be like to decorate it. What it would be like to have so much space to entertain, to have family over for Sunday football games, to have everything new and fresh with no repairs to be done.

There was only one issue. I thought the house was priced lower than what it is and when I sent him a text today to tell him the list price he said, “It just wasn’t meant to be…”

That got me thinking. How many times do we have something not go in our favor and we immediately give up on it because, “It’s just not meant to be”?

Now my response to him was, “YET…SOMEDAY”.

I believe that there are three reasons we tell ourselves things aren’t meant to be.

#1–whatever we were hoping was going to happen, isn’t all that important to us. It’s easy to let somethings go because it’s not going to hurt to NOT have it. It would have been nice, but in reality it’s not all that important now, or maybe ever. When we really NEED to do something, it’s amazing what we can get done. If it’s not that important to us, it doesn’t matter one way or the other.

On the other hand, when we want something bad enough we figure out ways to get where we want to go. Whether its money to start a business, losing 40 pounds, or earning a promotion, if it means that much to us we will make it happen.

I knew a young man a few years back that was in college, studying to be an engineer. He always wanted to be an engineer and he had no interest in being anything else. As he was working toward his degree, he failed Calculus 2…twice! But he kept going back until he got it! He wanted it that bad and was not going to accept, “It’s just not meant to be”.

#2–we don’t believe we deserve it.  There are just some people all the good stuff happens to right? Ever catch yourself thinking, “I’m just not one of the lucky ones and I’m certainly not all that smart or special”; then you settle and give up? You stay stuck where you are because you made yourself believe it wasn’t in the cards for YOU. You may have even given up before you even tried.  Or worse, you gave up because you knew it would get difficult and you didn’t believe you could cut it.

Well let me be the first to tell you, the secret for the “lucky ones” is that they WORKED TOWARD IT. They believed with hard work and effort they would one day reach their goals, and they did. Along the way they failed a lot too. Somewhere deep down inside they believed in themselves, not luck, and had confidence that they would get there! Everyone deserves their dreams to come true, but there is no way around putting together a solid action plan and working toward it to get it done.

#3—we aren’t PATIENT enough.  I am certain that my friend who wants to purchase a house will get there. He has a strong action plan for saving and is putting himself in position with his credit score to own a home, like the one I described above…in the future. He is making some sacrifices to be able to save that will pay him off later, just not now.

Let’s just say he takes the opposite approach. If he were to be impatient and NOT make the sacrifices, live pay check to pay check and spend money on things that he doesn’t need, he may try to convince himself that, “It’s just not meant to be”….But when you take a hard look, it’s not that “It’s not meant to be”…Its just he would be making choices that don’t lead to what “COULD BE”. Sometimes we don’t realize that we take away what could be by our own hand and our own choices.

So as you plan to work toward fulfilling your dreams….whether owning a new home, getting that promotion, earning a degree, starting a business or losing weight….

Do you REALLY want it? Is it truly important to you?

Do you BELIEVE you DESERVE IT?

Are you willing to be PATIENT as long as it takes?

If you’ve answered YES to all the above, I say…

IT IS MEANT TO BE….GO MAKE IT HAPPEN!

If you would like more info on my Coaching or Pamela Glowski Coaching & Consulting, please contact me via email at pamela@sereneinsightscoaching.com

Also, please join my Facebook Family by going to Pamela Glowski Coaching & Consulting’s page and receive updates on upcoming events, resources and positive vibes as we all “Create the Life We Can’t Wait to Live”!!

 

 

 

 

 

The Little Voices In Our Heads

We all talk to ourselves.

I often use an expression when someone catches me talking to myself out loud and gives me the raised eyebrows, as if to say, “You okay over there? Losin’ it?”

I’ll give them a smile and then I’ll say, “Don’t worry unless I start answering myself back.”

Yes, we do talk to ourselves constantly. Sometimes out loud, but we do most of our talking, to ourselves, INSIDE of our heads.

Just like we need to be mindful of what we listen to from the external world, because the talk IN can affect us, it’s CRITICAL that we stay on top of what we listen to from inside our own heads OUT.

Psychologists call talking to yourself “inner speech”. It’s the constant voice we hear in our head that allows us to “think things through” or “process”. We may remind ourselves that we left our cell phone on the kitchen table and turn around to go back into the house to pick it up before leaving for work. We may tell ourselves to remember to pick up dog food before we go home. We may strategically plan our actions to achieve a goal. These conversations are good, and important, in order to get things accomplished, stay organized and make well thought through choices.

So when is “inner speech” harmful?

I recently found myself taking a class to become DiSC certified. It’s an assessment that I wanted to have available to my VIP clients to determine their mode of communication. It was something that I wanted to accomplish for quite a while and I finally was able to purchase the class materials.

As I started working on the program, I realized that this was NOT going to be done in a 4-5 hour window. This was going to take days. This was the real deal and was structured with listening to the tutorial, reading over the module material, tests on each module, a work book for expanded study, etc. Initially I was a little frustrated but said to myself, “Well, of course it’s going to involve real study…they don’t just let anyone interpret those things without training (you dummy!) Yes, I did say, “YOU DUMMY!”….take note of the negative tone.

Now as I moved on, there were certain modules that I had to listen to a couple of times and reference the workbook to get the right answer. The voice kicked in again…”Do you really need to have this? I mean does anyone expect you to offer this kind of assessment in your coaching program? I mean you ARE struggling to get the right answer. Maybe this is too hard…You never did well with book study…DON’T YOU THINK YOU ARE OVER-THINKING THIS?”…take note of the negative tone AGAIN, and AGAIN, and AGAIN!

In both cases, I REALLY had to check myself! I always ask when I catch myself doing the negative talk,

“Would I talk in this tone or say this to my children? To my friend?”

Most definitely NOT.

So in checking myself, I have to consciously step IN and firmly say,

“Knock it off”!

If we aren’t willing to encourage ourselves or stand up for ourselves (for whatever reason) we are TELLING ourselves we aren’t special, we aren’t pretty enough, we are impostors, we aren’t worth it, we aren’t good enough, smart enough…just not enough!

Now that may be some old programming, baggage, etc. If that’s the case spend time with yourself, a good friend, a coach or professional to start uncovering and re-framing that old line of thinking right quick!! This may be the one thing that is getting in your way and keeping you from anything you would consider success.

We talk about being against bullying in our nation, because we see the detrimental effects it has on others. Why is it okay if we do it to ourselves? You can’t tear yourself down and expect to rise to great heights!

We have to SEE and SPEAK UP for ourselves; what we really are capable of and all the value we can bring to our families, our careers, our groups/organizations….if we BELIEVE in ourselves, in our own minds… FIRST.

We have to fight off the negative and STAND IN OUR POWER to champion our own causes.

I did finish that course and earned the certification. One that I am very proud of. I achieved it because I took back my confidence and told myself I COULD and WOULD do it! It wasn’t easy, but I was determined and knew that if I worked at it, I would learn it.

We cheer-lead, encourage and see so much wonderful in others in our lives; why would we do any less for ourselves?

What can be gained by cutting yourself down?

Command the respect you deserve….from yourself first, then…

Mind the “inner speech” and BE GOOD TO YOURSELF!

 

“Things Have Got to CHANGE…”

A few weeks ago, I was visiting with a long time friend and we started chatting about general life things; how the kids were doing, how our spouses were doing, and what we had been doing for fun lately.  Then, we got on the topic of careers. My friend bowed her head down a bit and she said quietly, “Let me be honest, things are terrible at work; things have got to change.”

I think we all logically realize that if we can count on one thing, it’s things ARE going to CHANGE. For some people, when they hear the word “change”, the assumption is that change is bad; it makes the hair on the back of their neck stand straight up! There is a perceived notion that there will have to be something lost or an element of suffering if there is a change made in the daily routine of their lives. They avoid it at all cost. It is true some changes are negative. There are times that we are thrust into them, against our will, but in most cases, WE DO HAVE THE POWER TO INFLUENCE THE OUTCOME.

As my friend had continued in our conversation she made several good observations as to why things were not good at work for her anymore. They were legitimate reasons, not reasons that were emotional, being justified by logic (that’s a blog for another day). So I asked her, “What are you going to do about it?  What is your plan to get to a job that is more suited for you?”.

Her first response was that she was going to wait it out to see if things were going to improve. Now this is one of the scariest approaches to an obvious impending change. I call this the “Default Approach”. The “Default Approach” grows out of fear and leaves the outcome to chance. By taking the “we’ll see what happens” attitude, one gives up their personal power in the situation. By placing the outcome in the hands of others, one ALWAYS runs the risk that things will not turn out for the best for THEM. It will turn out better for the ones who actually make the decisions for them.

In her situation, if she is let go, before she finds another job that is a great fit for her, she may take a job (out of desperation) that is another wrong fit; potentially creating another problem…not a solution! Being without a job is not an option for my friend, so putting her back against the wall is not fertile ground for solid decisions.

In most cases, if we opt for the “Proactive Approach”, we can influence the outcome of a change. If we look at the change as an opportunity for a POSITIVE outcome, and choose our attitudes, behaviors and actions, centered around a beneficial result, chances are, that’s what will be. If we adopt a fearless expectation, even though it may be a bit uncomfortable at the time, the eventual outcome will most likely be positive.

After I was able to spend some coaching time with her, my friend opted for the Proactive Approach. Turns out, in the initial job searches she did, she came across what would be an IDEAL career for her and her family based on her experience and her overall career goals. If she would have waited, she may have missed out!

     What situations are you finding yourself in that you know,

“Things have got to change…”?

 

 

 

If you would like more info on my Coaching or Pamela Glowski Coaching & Consulting, please contact me via email at pamela@sereneinsightscoaching.com

Also, please join my Facebook Family by going to Pamela Glowski Coaching & Consulting’s page and receive updates on upcoming events, resources and positive vibes as we all “Create the Life We Can’t Wait to Live”!!

 

 

 

I Just Don’t Feel Like It…

     At this moment, I am doing exactly what I planned on blogging about this week. AVOIDING what I promised and committed to do on New Year’s Day…Work out!!

     I promised that I would exercise…mostly run on the treadmill 5 days a week.  I started this routine in November, and have been pretty consistent…even through the holidays, but today I caught myself coming through the door after dropping the kids at school saying, “I just don’t feel like it today…”  Oh the excuses just started to flow…we had such a hectic weekend, I have so much to catch up on…blah, blah, blah.

     Then I started trying to make myself think I was being busy.  I walked through the kitchen three times, conjuring up all kinds of busy work… like putting away the sugar bowl.  Important stuff huh???  I folded a load of laundry, I loved up the puppies..giving them attention they deserve (that was creative wasn’t it?), I’ve flipped through the calendar twice to make sure that I know exactly what I need to get done today.

     Wow…have I made myself feel justified for not doing what I am supposed to be doing!!  Busy work makes me FEEL like I’m REALLY DOING SOMETHING…but in actuality all I’ve done is LOOK BUSY!  I’m avoiding what I am supposed to be doing to reach my goals!! There is nothing that pressing that should have kept me from going right upstairs to the treadmill.   Even this blog…Yes, it’s something that I must get done today, but I don’t normally write this early in the morning…I usually wait until after my work out.   But here I am…and the bottom line is, I just don’t feel like getting on that treadmill.  

     I’m pretty fortunate that I have flexibility to my days.  Normally I can juggle around the things I need to get done to some degree.  For example, it really doesn’t matter if I do this blog first or get on the treadmill, as long as I get them both done…TODAY!  Some people don’t have that luxury, so if the moment is lost…it’s lost—or is it?? 

     This is where discipline comes in.  I used to be the kind of person that,  despite having flexibility,  would say, “I don’t feel like it TODAY” and then put it off until tomorrow.  NOW, I can get inside my own head and say..”Ok, I don’t feel like it right now…but you know you have to get it done…so after this task…I will promise myself that I will do it.” 

     Some people who set aside morning time to do what they need to get done may be able to skip it UNTIL LATER.  They will not go to bed that night without it being done!    That’s how I think we should all view our schedules/to do lists—whatever is on it…can not and should not be moved to the next day.  It HAS TO GET DONE TODAY…NO MATTER WHAT!  Even if it means sacrificing something that was supposed to be a reward later in the day, i.e., being able to watch American Idol, Monday Night Football, meet friends after work. 

     This applies to anything that we have set for goals.  It’s not just about exercise—how about cleaning, getting organized, grocery shopping, getting business done? 

     Yes, I know you can relate—because it happens to everyone!  This is not unique at all…but what is unique is …How we take control of ourselves, MOVE PAST IT AND FEEL LIKE IT…AND GET IT DONE… TODAY!  

     Did you know that only about 1/3 of resolutions make it past January?  You want to know why?  The person who started them either:

• Really didn’t want to accomplish them. 
• They really were not motivated or
• Didn’t know how to get and KEEP THEMSELVES motivated.   THIS IS THE CATEGORY THAT I BELIEVE MOST PEOPLE FALL UNDER.  That’s why we talked about What You Need To Know And Why last week.    

     Our minds are truly amazing…or should I say our subconscious minds are  amazing.  We feel like we are totally in control of our selves as we are conscious through the day…but the subconscious mind has more power over us than we think.  This is especially important when we are trying to set a new course, or establish new habits. 

     Our brains have been programmed based on our past experiences, our frames of reference developed from those experiences, past gained knowledge, and old beliefs.  Did you notice how much that all centers on…THE PAST!??

     THIS IS KEY…until we acknowledge that our past thinking has brought us to where we are…we can’t move forward and break new ground.  We can’t  develop new habits if we don’t acknowledge our old ones…AND THE RESULTS THOSE OLD WAYS OF THINKING HAVE BROUGHT US!

     Here, let’s use an example… 

FIRST STEP DETERMINE AND ACCEPT  THE OLD HABITS…

NO EXERCISE DAILY…

NOT excercising lead me to being out of shape and having poor health…

NOW ASK YOURSELF THESE KINDS OF QUESTIONS….

DO I REALLY WANT TO CHANGE OR AM I REALLY HAPPY WITH ME AS I AM?  If YES…don’t beat yourself up…let go of the goal–you weren’t doing it for the right reasons anyway!!  Come back to it someday if you truly want to change it.

IF NO?  DO I REALIZE THAT CHANGING IS GOING TO BE A COMMITMENT?  WHAT KIND OF COMMITMENT?  DAILY? WEEKLY?   

DO I REALIZE THAT IT WILL BE PAINFUL AT TIMES? 

IS IT MORE IMPORTANT TO BE COMFORTABLE OR TO BE HEALTHY? 

IS IT WORTH IT TO ME? 

IF YES…OK, then what  new knowledge do I need? 

HOW DO I DO THIS? PROPER WORK OUT?  DIET PLAN TO EAT RIGHT?

HOW DO I PUT THAT IN MY DAY?  Put it on your schedule!  

Create POSITIVE new experiences…Don’t overdue it the first time out!  Overdoing EXERCISE, leads me to being sore and then in turn wanting to avoid it?  Did I over-zealously start out but then let it take over too much of my life so I  fizzled out just as fast as I started? 

OR DID I REALIZE THIS IS A LONG TERM SET OF ACTION STEPS?  IT’S GOING TO TAKE TIME!

DID I FEEL GOOD–starting small and then pushing just a little more each day?  LOG THIS FEELING!!

HOW DID I FEEL ABOUT MYSELF FOR ACCOMPLISHING MY GOAL OF DOING THE EXERCISE JUST THIS ONCE? 

CAN I TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME, BE REALISTIC,  WITHOUT OVERTHINKING TOO FAR INTO THE FUTURE OR BEING IMPATIENT??  

CAN I paint a new picture about what I will feel like and look like if I stay on course with my goal?!  CUT OUT A PICTURE OF SOMEONE ELSE IF NEED BE!! 

      If I never develop that ability to get into my own head…get control of my own thoughts…which lead to the subsequent ACTIONS…and I don’t achieve my goal?      WHAT ARE THE CONSEQUENCES??

     CAN I LIVE WITH THEM?? 

     What is the short term/long term gain for ME if I keep my promise to myself? 

     If I don’t value myself enough to keep my promises to MYSELF…I won’t make it…my past experiences and past programming will win out and I will go back to my same old ways.   DO I WANT TO BE BEATEN BY MYSELF??

     My mind is capable of playing around with these thoughts on so many different levels and there are some days that it wins and I lose the battle.  I don’t beat myself up too much, I just realize that I can’t LOSE too many battles if I want to win the war! 

     I would love to tell you that I LOVE TO EXERCISE…but that would be a BIG, FAT LIE! What I can tell you is that I love the results of exercise…I love the endorphin rush from exercise, I like having a healthy blood pressure/blood sugar, I love that I can wear the size I want…but goodness knows I just hate getting it going sometimes.

     You may feel that way about getting organized, your job, your business, going back to school…there are so many things and it’s all the same….

• GET IN YOUR HEAD…
• UNDERSTAND/ACCEPT WHERE YOU ARE/HAVE BEEN,
• BE CLEAR ON WHERE YOU WANT TO GO…
• AND THEN PUT IT IN FRONT OF YOU!

     I wrote a promise contract to myself that answers all those questions above…in detail…in writing…and I just pulled it out to remind myself what I said that I would do…so…I’d better wrap this up and get on that treadmill! 

    How do you combat the “I JUST DON”T FEEL LIKE IT’S”? 

    What works for you? 

    Please share your ideas—

Do you have a Promise Contract with yourself? 

Do you give yourself rewards if you get it done?

JOIN ME THIS WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 14, 2009 at www.blogtalkradio.com/pamela-glowski to delve into these topics some more!  The show will be live!  Call in and share your ideas!!