People Change…they change their minds, they change their habits, they change their clothes, their hair, their image. They change their jobs, career paths, their homes, and yes even their families and friends sometimes.
We all make changes.
If we know that CHANGE is inevitable, and desired by most in order to grow, why do we struggle with it so much?
I believe we don’t mind too much when WE change; but we do mind when others make changes, that we aren’t wanting, or are ready for.
Think about it…when we are working on making changes in our lives, we consider them to be POSITIVE for OURSELVES.
When others decide to make changes, we may resist. We may even try to discourage someone that has decided to make a change, when we know it’s going to force us to make a change or accept a different pattern in OUR lives.
Change can be as simple as a change in an evening plan. Have you ever been looking forward to a “Night Out” to have the person you were going with opt out at the last minute? Of course if it’s something like an illness, we may be more understanding, but if the person decided to just choose another thing to do, it may make us a bit upset. We are not happy with the change.
Change can also be BIG…I am in the process of becoming an “empty nester” and the changes seem to be day to day at this point. It was tough going from having a house full of 6 people, down to 2-3, as they all started going to college.
That change was very emotional and changed how my husband and I live in a great big way! I missed them all very much. They each bring a different dynamic to our home that is unique. When one, or two, or three, aren’t there, it’s just not the same. It’s changed.
There weren’t the opportunities any longer for Sunday dinners through the school year, with EVERYONE. There weren’t the day to day interactions and, “So how was your days?”. There weren’t high school activities to participate in anymore, which not only changed our schedules, but also the friends that WE would see on a regular basis.
The college years weren’t nearly as hard as when they started graduating and moving on to their own places! YIKES!
The school years, it seemed like it was understood as temporary. They’d be back on Summer Break. When decisions to move out completely came along, that just all seemed so final. Never would we live all together anymore.
I love spending time with my family; all together. So, to have the realization, that we all wouldn’t be living together anymore was a tough pill to swallow. That phase of life, with babies, elementary school, high school and teenagers, was over. Life changed.
I wasn’t crazy about all the changes…but THEY were! They were looking forward to being on their own, starting their careers, being independent, becoming able to do all the grown-up stuff that they couldn’t do at home.
In my logical mind, I loved seeing my kids enter this new phase of life and I knew that I could NOT resist their changes. That would be selfish.
In heart, I was going to miss them and I was scared. I wouldn’t be there if they needed me or if something went wrong.
I also couldn’t hold them back because of my fears. That IS THE REASON most of us resist change. Any kind of change. Our changes, or the changes others make. What we’ve known is not known anymore and we don’t know what it’s going to be like.
How do we make the most of change?
Well, with my kids, I tried different things. I communicated differently. Texting became way more prevalent. I knew I could get a conversation going, daily, with three out of four of my kids just be sending them a text message with a “Daily Punny”. The other one I would send a “Word of the Day”.
I learned and taught myself to LET GO of small things and choose my battles. It’s okay if only two out of the four were there for Sunday Dinner. That just had to be expected and it was still good. They all know it happens every Sunday, so as they are able to join in, they do and that is good enough.
I stopped resisting the new limited time availability. It’s good that I have time to pursue my own goals and interests, and I’ve found that I was now able to chase after a few dreams that I had put on the back burner when they were young. It’s good that my husband and I can go to dinner if we want to and just enjoy each other’s time.
I learned to focus on QUALITY of TIME rather than QUANTITY.
It’s good to be able to see my children independent, working hard to create and build their lives. I in turn, with their changes, embraced the opportunity to change and it’s been great for me too! If I would have resisted, it would have been a waste of an opportunity and it probably would have made everyone very uncomfortable. Maybe even have pushed them away.
See the opportunity in CHANGE. Don’t resist it when others make changes, it could be great for you too! Find a way to adjust that leaves everyone feeling good about their choices and you as well.
Don’t be afraid of what you don’t know…look forward, explore what’s out there, and certainly DO NOT ASSUME A NEGATIVE OUTCOME!
Remember, you WILL change too. You will give others the opportunity to grow in the Changes YOU provide them! Show them in their changes, the support, love, and understanding you want others to have when you CHANGE. BE that example, and teach others to WELCOME CHANGE! Give them the freedom to grow and make it positive, encouraging and EXCITING for you too!
If you would like more info on Serene Insights, LLC, my Coaching, Speaking, Training or Books, please contact me via email at pamela@sereneinsightscoaching.com
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